This week in MMA Stupidity 12/5/11-12/11/11

Wednesday, December 14th, 2011 by Tony Reid

This is my first installment of a new weekly blog-rant or rant-blog that I will be posting on the site. Granted, all the things I mention this time around didn’t happen this week. I am making up for lost time and covering subjects that came to my attention over the past month or so. I can do that after all, it’s my blog and my site. I promise to strictly adhere to my own set of rules starting next week and cover only topics from said week. But here is a rundown of things that have been bothering me lately.

1. Reggie Bush Everlast Ads– Reggie, no one is buying your fake bad-assness in these ads. Just because you pose for a picture with your four ounce gloves on, black undereye shit and put a mean look on that pretty face doesn’t make anyone worth their salt in the sport take you seriously. Instead of being a fake tough guy maybe you should continue trying to live up to the expectations set for you in your chosen career in the NFL. We all know you have been underachieving there for the better part of the last decade. Oh, that’s right you have been playing well for a good five weeks now. My bad.

2.  MMA Aliens– Yes, you read that right. Have you seen these things? Now on the market is a new line of high quality MMA themed Alien action figures or is it Alien themed MMA figures? Does it matter? My MMA hero Kazushi Sakuraba is “honored” with a figure inspired by him and his awesomeness, called Zenchi Zakuraba. Inventive name, I know. The big ‘uns are a foot tall and weigh in at five pounds. I didn’t know they stacked shit that high. Actually, I take that back, I did know they stack shit that high. The cost is $65 for the basic figure and $165 for one with full highlighting, veining and decals. Or you could just put that money toward a nice female “companion” in hopes of losing your virginity at some point before your 30th birthday.

3. MMA Memorabilia for Sale on Ebay- Hey, I am all for being able to buy precious, historic, MMA artifacts on Ebay (or anywhere else for that matter) but sellers, please make sure the price is right. No one is shelling out $100,000 for a dude’s fight shorts from his lone appearance at Barnyard Fighting Championships 3. Is it unbelievably cool that Mark Coleman is selling his fight worn gloves from the 2000 PRIDE GP on Ebay? Hell yes! Is he going to get $40,000 for them? Hell, no. (And by the way, if I am wrong and he does get that much for them, than good for him!)

4. Stupid Sponsors– Don’t get me wrong, I would never begrudge a fighter for getting his or her chedda, scratch, skrilla, dough, loot, greenbacks, Benjamins, or even his money from any sponsor that is willing to pay him or her. Let’s face it; most companies are going to be jumping on the MMA bandwagon soon. Here’s my problem, my damn common sense keeps acting up. I can remember (somewhat recently) seeing And1 as a sponsor. Really? And1 makes basketball sneakers for God’s Sake. I’m putting Lugz in this category, too. Lugz is an urban streetwear type of deal, specializing, last time I checked, in boots. So a company known for their footwear is sponsoring an athlete who never, ever, ever has any type of footwear on during competition. Again, I sincerely apologize in advance for looking at this situation with common sense in mind.

5. MMA Statistics– In a few short years we have gone from barely knowing where a fighter is from to knowing that on the second Thursday of odd months of the year that Jon Jones lands 77% of his left handed uppercuts at 8am in the shower but only before the water reaches 80 degrees. I remember watching the old UFC events and they would show the fighters info prior to the fight and it would state his name, maybe his height and weight and that he boxed once and has never gone to the ground. Boy things are a changin’! Enough already. Before you know it, we will have “Fantasy MMA” leagues, what that already exists? Shit.

6. Tattooing Your Record on Your Body- Yes kids it’s all the rage! Jose Aldo has his on his back, up and comer Alexander Gustafsson has his record tattooed on his arm in Polynesian styled triangles with the 12 black marks showing his victories and the clear or white one showing his only loss. Ironically enough, the only white mark came from a black dude when current training partner Phil Davis subbed Alexander in their meeting in the Octagon. This got me thinking, what if Travis Fulton decided to do this?

7. Triple H’s Opinion of MMA- So Paul Levesque has it all figured out. He stated that MMA needs to expand and grow because and I’m paraphrasing here in MMA the guys walk to the cage, fight, throw their t-shirt back on and then thank their sponsors and go on their merry way. So let me get this right, a guy that fake fights and fake wrestles isn’t impressed by the guys that get in there and do it for real? Here’s the thing you don’t understand Paul, MMA fighters are real badasses, real combatants, real super heroes and the type of guys that you can only pretend to be in the fantasy world created by your father- in- law. Its not quite as hard to be a tough guy when you are reading from a script and the other guy is in on the joke, too. This is what happens when guys, that live in a fairly tale and read every word from a script, try to make a point on a subject outside their realm of understanding.

So there it is kids. Ah, I feel much better getting all of those things off my chest. Stay tuned for the next blog and if there is anything you want to get off your chest, get at me atwww.facebook.com/RattlingtheCage