Expo Etiquette: A Guide to not being a Douche Bag at the Coolest Event Ever

Saturday, September 11th, 2010 by Tony Reid

1.  Don’t Ask Fighters/Celebrities for Free Tickets– Nothing is more annoying that being at a Q&A Session with Dana White and 14 people in a row ask him for free tickets after he has told everyone before the same thing.  It’s also annoying to hear someone ask Punkass and Skrape for free tickets or well, anybody for that matter.  Do you think they just carry gym bags full of tickets around to hand out to everyone that asks?  Yep I’m pretty sure that’s how the UFC became the big business it is today, by giving all their shit away for free.  If I am going to survive on Ramen Noodles for the next 2 weeks to pay for my fucking ticket you can too, freeloader!

2.  Don’t be too talkative When its Your Turn–  There are few things that I hate more than waiting in line for an extended period of time to see a fighter and some dude in front of me stops the fighter for 15 minutes to tell him their life story.  Here’s the deal, I understand its exciting to meet someone you admire, respect, look up to etc. but be cognizant of your surroundings i.e. the fact that there are 500 people behind you waiting.  Don’t bore Shogun by talking about your first date with your honey, or your favorite color or the fact that you like long walks in the park.  By all means, take a picture, get that auto, say hello, hell maybe even say something witty but pay your respects and move on and let the next guy in line do the same.

 3.  Don’t Bring your Newborn – I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen parents with young kids, even babies at these shows.  The parents might want to wait in lines for hours to see fighters and grab the latest tee that looks like throw up but I highly doubt your baby does.  The baby is just concerned with eating, sleeping and shitting his pants but he might be able to relate to that shirt you just bought.  Call grandma or pay for a babysitter for crying out loud!  No one wants to trip over your stroller or hear your kid screaming all afternoon.  There is a time and a place for everything and everyone but this neither the time nor place for a small child.

4.  Don’t Take Pictures/Get Autographs from Someone You Don’t Know– This might be more annoying than anything else you encounter at an event like this, especially if you know anything about the sport and athletes involved.  I have witnessed this first hand on numerous occasions.  I will see someone waiting in line or running up to take a picture or be all excited about seeing a fighter and then turn around and say “Who is that?” Really?  Really? You just got an autograph from someone and you don’t even know who it is?  You just pushed your way through a crowd of people trampling small children to grab a picture of someone and you don’t even know who it is?  There is a very funny yet very embarrassing video on YouTube of Phil Davis dealing with this at the Expo in Boston.  One guy approaches him and thinks he’s Jon Jones; he has a 5 minute conversation with him and the guy still has no clue.  Someone else comes up to him and thinks he’s Anthony Johnson, someone else comes up and mentions Vladimir Guerrero and it just goes downhill from there.  Phil handles it beautifully as he takes it in stride and jokes will all of these “fans”.  These people should be treated the same way security treats fans that start fights at UFC Events. Thrown out on their ear!

5.  Just Because you are Wearing your TapOut Shirt Doesn’t Make you Too Wide to Walk Down the Aisle- Easy tough guy…Everyone here has a TapouT Shirt on!  Put your guns away and get that nasty look off your face, you aren’t fooling anyone here.  That might work in Crabapple, Tennessee but here we know who the real tough guys are.  Well, at least most of us do.